Teaching Teens with Disabilities to Trust Their Instincts

When we think of safety, our minds often go to “stranger danger.” But for teens with disabilities, safety challenges are often closer to home:

• That neighbor who goes in for a hug without asking.

• A “friendly” shopkeeper who gets a little too personal.

• Social media platforms where “private” isn’t always private, and “friend” doesn’t always mean friend.

These everyday situations can be tricky for teens who are taught to be polite, friendly, and accommodating to fit in. As parents and educators, we walk the fine line between encouraging social connection and teaching the importance of boundaries.

The Subtle Safety Lessons

We spend years helping our teens develop social skills—how to say hello, ask questions, and engage in conversations. But then we’re faced with the harder lesson: teaching them it’s okay to say “no,” to set boundaries, and to trust their gut feelings.

For teens with autism, ADHD, or intellectual disabilities, these lessons are especially crucial because they may not always pick up on social cues that signal discomfort or danger.

Why Instincts Matter

Safety isn’t just about memorizing rules—it’s about recognizing when something feels “off.” That gut feeling? It’s worth listening to, even if acting on it feels awkward or uncomfortable.

Encourage your teen to:

• Trust their instincts, even in seemingly harmless situations.

• Speak up when they feel uneasy, even if it means being perceived as “rude.”

• Prioritize their comfort over someone else’s expectations.

Teaching Teens to Set Boundaries

1. Practice Saying No

• Role-play scenarios where they might need to decline a hug, answer a question, or refuse an invitation.

• Teach them phrases like “I’m not comfortable with that” or “I’d prefer not to share that information.”

2. Discuss Social Media Safety

• Explain the importance of privacy settings and what information is safe to share online.

• Teach them to question requests from strangers, even if they seem friendly.

3. Validate Their Feelings

• Reinforce that it’s okay to feel uncomfortable and act on those feelings.

• Remind them that their safety is more important than being polite.

4. Model Boundary-Setting Behavior

• Let them see you set boundaries in your interactions.

• Talk about how you navigate situations where you need to say “no.”

Celebrating Their Wins

When your teen sets a boundary, no matter how small, celebrate it. These moments are milestones in their journey toward independence and self-advocacy.

For example, maybe they refused to answer a nosy question from a neighbor or declined a friend request from someone they didn’t know well. These are victories worth acknowledging.

Share Your Story

Has your teen surprised you by setting a boundary? How did you support them through that process? Share your experiences in the comments and let’s learn from each other.